My Hope in Celebrate Recovery!!!!

okay i know i have not posted in along time... but I've been busy as you know I'm very involved in Celebrate Recovery I love this program I have found lots of healing their here's the funny part its not just for people who have drug addictions! hum go figure anyway we will be starting a group kinda like this for teens in Feb. If only i would have had a program like this growing up it would have saved me alot of hurt that's not the point of this post the point is I wanted to share my story with those of you who do not attend CR. so here it is I hope that you find it encouraging....

My Hope In Celebrate Recovery
My Name is Rebecka O’Neal I’m a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I ‘am an adult survivor of rape, a childhood survivor of sexual abuse. I struggle with anger, resentment, a need to control and a nicotine addiction, I Celebrate Recovery in offering Forgiveness to those who have hurt me and asking those I have hurt to forgive me.
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When I first started coming to CR it was for one thing I wanted to share my story with others and how I had overcome things in my past. Little did I know I had a lot more overcoming to do than I realized. My childhood was what I would have referred to as normal but looking back it’s just a matter of what level of dysfunction we were in at the time. through out my childhood I was abused by a great uncle a cousin and my half brother these were all things that happened that I would really not deal with until becoming a adult. when I was a senior in high school I was ready to start my life The one that I would control, I had even met a boy who I was pretty sure was the one. Things started to go downhill. I believe that god places people in our lives for reasons we may not understand at the time. The months that followed were emotionally draining the death of my grandmother and Father sent my mother’s depression in a downhill spin. This started the Grief and anger I still sometimes fill, I still struggle with the lost of my father this is something I have only recently identified. Coming to CR has given me a relationship with a father that can never be taken away from me. It also gives me hope that one day I will see my earthly father in heaven. Shortly after the death of my father. I started my life with that boy I told you I was sure was the one turns out I was right. In October of 1998 our home was broken into. Jay was at work and I was at home alone. I was awakened in the middle of the night being suffocated by a stranger. I remember during the attack praying to a god that I felt I was than less than worthy of receiving answered prayers from. Well he did hear my prayers and he spared my life. For this I felt grateful, the next seven years just went by every once in awhile I would call the osbi agent and ask for a update I was pretty sure I was not going to settle as just another victim with nothing ever happening. In January of 2005 I received a phone call from the osbi saying that they had made a match to the dna that was removed from the scene. Being that it was 7 years after the fact it opened up a whole new can of worms that I thought was long buried. After my attacker was arrested I had to attending court proceedings it was during this time that I had started going to church and was in a bible study on the book of Romans. I started thinking that if I wanted to be forgiven that I need to forgive the people who had hurt me. I was not sure how I was going to do that I was pretty sure it was going to be hard but I was willing to give it a try. At church on Sunday mornings they were doing a sermon series on recovery. At first I thought that maybe I could come there and share my story with others who had also been abused. In October 2006, I was able to read a letter to my attacker on the witness stand 8 years to the exact day of my attack. when I wrote the letter I had not completely forgiven him but I was ready to start one of the things that I have learned at CR is that holding on to grudges and resentments has caused me more pain than the things that have happened in my life. The day after the court hearing I started CR. It was very scary coming hear the first night but after coming here I quickly realized that the people hear were just like me everyone in the room was hurting many for the same reasons that I was hurting. my second time here I remember someone coming up to me after small group and hugging me that meant a lot to me because she did not know me at all but she cared about me. It did not take long for me to realize this was where I needed to be if I wanted to offer forgiveness to those who had hurt me. The step that has helped me the most in recovery has been the personal inventory and writing my testimony… step four helped me realize I had other issues that I needed to work on for me before I could help others, sharing my Testimony has given me hope that I can help others who may be struggling with the same things as me. Since being in recovery I have been in two step-studies once as a participant and once as a leader this is a important part of CR it helps you to identify all your issues and get to the bottom of things it also helps you develop a support system. The ladies that have been in these groups have forever changed my life, I have a friendship with each of them on some level and will cherish them always. I love coming to CR I love watching the people who have came after me grow so much in their relationships with Christ they are truly a inspiration to all. Everyone in this room is truly a part of my family I know I can take off my mask and be myself when I’m here and I know longer have to be alone. October is no longer a month in which I fill depressed it’s the month I’ am the happiest and fill the strongest whenever I got my one year chip it was a great night I shared my testimony it was the first time I felt that I had truly overcome this chapter in my life the filling of overcoming is a powerful filling I’m positive that I did not do this alone everything I am today is because of god and the family and friends I have found in Cr. If you would have met me 2 years ago you may not have wanted to be my friend I was angry hurting and had walls that were so high you needed a ladder to see over. Today I’m more open less angry and lot more friendly and you don’t have to bring a ladder along with you. Dealing with my mother’s depression has also gotten easier I no longer fill responsible for her happiness but for my own Cr has helped me in setting and keeping healthy boundaries with her and our relationship has only grown. In closing I would like to share my favorite step as well as few scriptures that I find encouraging
Step 9 ( for abuse Group reads)
We extended forgiveness to ourselves and to those who have harmed
us, realizing this is an attitude of the heart, not always confrontation.
We made direct amends to those we had harmed, except when to do so
would injure them or others. This sometimes is hard but I know that forgiveness is the right thing to do. Hebrew 13:6 says "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." 6So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"With god on my side I no longer have to live in fear of man I know that the lord will protect me and keep me safe. I am a survivor of a adult Rape and childhood sexual abuse I only recently started my introduction this way I felt as if Rape was such a harsh word and it is but I quickly found I was candy coating things for myself not the audience the truth is I’ am a survivor of Rape John 8:32 states Then you will know the Truth and the truth will set you free. and friends My chains are gone and I have been set free.